Healthy Boundaries When Caring for Othersby Debbie Johnston, Trinity's Dirctor of Congregational Care Boundaries are good. They tell us how far we may safely go in any given situation. God invented
them and illustrated them in his Ten Commandments.
One problem Christian caregivers run into is taking on responsibility that rightly belongs to someone
else. In modern Twelve-Step jargon this is what is called co-dependency. If you are routinely paying
bills for someone who has the mental and physical capacity to work, you are being co-dependent. If
you are lying to cover up someone else’s failure to care for themselves, you are being co-dependent.
Co-dependency can be as powerful as any addiction and just as destructive. Co-dependents keep the
addict from getting the help he or she needs and often escalate the addictive process. In Christian circles, people with the spiritual gifts of mercy and helps are the ones most vulnerable to
inadvertently becoming co-dependent to someone else. They are the ones most of us would describe
as having “servant” hearts who go to outrageous lengths to help someone else at the expense of their
own life. But co-dependency can kill the co-dependent just as surely as any overt addiction. If you find yourself ‘up to your eyeballs’ in someone else’s misery and wonder how you got there, you
may be co-dependent. Fortunately, the Christian world has examined the issue of boundaries and the
addictive process, and there are resources to help us. Henry Cloud and John Townsend have
written several books on the issue of healthy Christian boundaries easily available through the
Berean Bookstores or Amazon.com. I highly recommend any of their books. Al-Anon and ACA (Adult
Children of Alcoholics) are two self-help organizations that support co-dependents in recovery. Phone
numbers for these organizations are in your phone book. Anyone who loves anyone with addiction
issues (drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, gambling, chronic debting, workaholism, or even severe
mental illness) would benefit from these resources. Healthy service for God builds up the servant heart. Unhealthy service destroys the caregiver. If we
are careful to observe healthy boundaries when loving others, we’ll find God’s love is an infinitely
renewable resource flowing through us like Living Water. God does not want our service for him to
destroy us. If we all learn and observe healthy boundaries we can make our Christian Community of
Care even more fruitful for God’s Kingdom. Take Good Care,
Debbie
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Serving Others 
